In the beginning there was...Pt. 2

I am a good man.
I want to be a great man.
I am a good husband.
I want to be a great husband
I am a mediocre follower of Christ.
I need to be a better follower.
Preparing for this journey to House of Hope I have to take inventory on who I am and where I am. I felt, as an American, I had become a fairly decent person. I knew how to live and be productive and successful at work, home, and in relationships. For the most part being a male in America is one of the easiest things you can do, and I was having a fairly good go at it. Prior to November 2005 I was confident that I would be able to make the transition for being a male in America to being a male in Africa.

Naftali, the father at House of Hope, was going to aide me in this. I would watch him, follow his lead, and learn from him. In November 2005 Naftali unexpectedly passed away. Naftali set the male example to the children at House of Hope; he was a great man, likened to Aslan from the Chronicles of Narnia. How am I supposed to replace Aslan?

I’m not.

I am scared. I would like to point out that I haven’t lost my faith in Christ’s plan for me. I am confident I can “do it”. But I don’t want to just “do it”, like I’ve done everything else in my life. I want be great. I want to help raise these children to adults that Naftali would be proud of, adults who will embrace children who came from the same place they did, and they will strive to give them a warm place to grow, to make them whole.

This is where I am:

Hope.

In the beginning there was...

When Adam and Eve ate from the apple they became aware. God asking them where they were was not because He did not know, but because he wanted Adam and Eve to speak it. I have been working through a bible study for a few weeks and working thought other things and when faced with the same question as Adam and Eve it left me speechless. “Where are you Tammi?” I found at first my answer was responses that were filled with my past or with my future: “hard childhood so…” or “preparing for Africa so…”. All those responds are true but do not answer the question. Then God quickly put me in my place, “No Tammi, Where are you right now”? I must confess that I did not know the answer, I looked around at my life and found that all I could say was “Lord, I am here, at work, at school, at home, at church, struggling, forgive me Lord, forgive me for not always obeying you, for not handing thing over to you, for the way I live my life, for my condescending attitude, for my lack in trusting you, for my shame, for my fear. Thank you for your grace, your mercy, your love, your patience, you gifts, your peace, and for being the great I AM. Please stay with me here in this time and in this place.”

I write all this to confess to you also. I don’t know what it means to truly be vulnerable or maybe I am vulnerable and that scares me enough to make “fig leave coverings”. So I hope with the help of my Lord that I will be able to be more open with you and put my fears behind me and let my Lord tend to those battles.

Please come and join us in this time and place, as we struggle to learn what it truly means to follow a God that is consistent and never changing. We don’t know what all this will look like but we have faith that It will be glorify to the Lord we have no other choice but to serve.