I am a big girl

So Life is different now and will be for the rest of our lives, but in a great way. Things for the most part are falling into place, however some days still feel a little weird. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since Matilda came into the world and most days it seems like she has always been here and other days it seems weird that I am a mom now.I mean I love her so much but when she wakes me up in the middle of the night, those are some hard times. Well it does not help that she likes to eat every 2 hours if not less. However I am very grateful that she is nursing so well and growing so good. She was born exactly 5 mo. from when we got back from Africa and that is still very surreal for us. On Aug. 7, 2007 marked 1 year from when we left for Africa, to spend the rest of our lives and now a year later we are parents to our own child. Our hearts still miss all the children in Africa. I think sometime what the children would have thought of Matilda. I wonder if God will allow us to go back one day. I admit at first I did not what to ever go back but as the mo. go by my heart is growing soft again for my love for Africa. It is so hard to pray about missions right now. My heart and my mind are not on the same page and I want it to be so bad. I know that Matilda is only 3 weeks old but I want her to know how much we love her and that we want to trust the Lord with her life and not us. I wish I could express my feeling better but everything is hard to put into words right now. I feel so lucky and so loved and so blessed by a God that keeps loving me even when I don't deserve it.